Alright, let's go back to the year 2014. Remember The Lego Movie? That film caused a lot of buzz, and I happen to be a big fan of it myself. Recently, it piqued my curiosity that there was an unreleased Director's Cut of the film, and as soon as I heard about it, I began searching for it. I tried contacting the people who worked on the film, via emails or phone calls, but I never got a response or I only got an answering machine.
My last resort was contacting Phil Lord, the person who directed the film. I managed to get on a Skype interview with him, and I asked him general questions like "Where did you get the idea for this film?" and "What did you think of the finished film?" and whatnot. So when I finally asked him about the purported "Director's Cut", he just fell silent. I could see his face going pale. He proceeded to tell me, "Please...Don't look for it. Just...just let the memory die." He hung up the call right then, and I just sat at my desk, confused. I went to bed.
The next day, I tried emailing Mr. Lord about the Director's Cut, to try6 to find out more. I managed to get a response exactly fourty-five minutes later! The email said: "Just give me your address and I will send it to you... if you're sure you want to see it, then I guess I can't stop you. Beware, for the things you will see will forever stay in your mind for the rest of your life." I was unsure if I really wanted to see the Director's Cut at this point, but hey, morbid curiosity got the best of me. So I sent back another email with my address and a "thank you".
About a week later, I received a package from Mr. Lord himself. It was the Director's Cut VHS tape... strangely it was a VHS tape. I popped it in my VHS player (Yes, I still have one) and let it play.
Oh, no, how I wish I could take that back!
The Lego Movie Director's Cut VHS Tape
Well, the intro of the film was different. You know, where Vitruvius and Lord Buisiness are revealed? Well, the shot just... stays there. It just froze on Vitruvius's face. It didn't move at all. You couldn't even hear Vitruvius's voice. It was just total silence. After about six minutes, the tape cut to the scene of the gang on the pirate ship...Wow, this was pretty late in the film. Again, it was dead silence. It cut to static for about five minutes, but again it was silent. The weird thing is that I could make out some sort of video in the static... It looked like Emmet standing over the UniKitty, and Emmet somehow tore open the UniKitty's chest and proceeded to eat his intestines. All in Lego. I nearly vomited, but after the video clip ended, the film cut to the scene where they sneak into Lord Business's lair, but again it was silent.
When it got to the scene of Emmet and Lucy dressed as robots, it once again cut to static. This time there was no hidden video thankfully, and it was just regular static. It cut to the shot Benny trying to deactivate the shield. However the scene went on longer than I expected... Benny jumped off of the platform. This emotionally effected me greatly, as Benny is one of my favorite characters.
It cut to the gang finally confronting Lord Business. The disturbing thing is, the scene just keeps going. The robots eventually kill most people by beheading them, and Emmet was thrown out the window. Instead of the credits rolling, there was a message saying
"The dead has risen. Hail Satan."
I quickly turned off my VCR, ejected the tape and THREW IT AT THE WALL. Unfortunately my mind was quick enough to think to destroy the tape, so it is still out there somewhere... if you ever see a VHS copy of the director's cut of The Lego Movie, DESTROY IT!
{{GLE}}